Happy New Years'

There’s no time. The beginning of a new year is gone already in my still somewhat drunken mind. It’s as if nothing matters and that nothing ever truly mattered before. If I could control how each day went I couldn’t bring myself to say that I know what would happen. Today is today and yesterday has changed into today. My mind sleeps but my body stays awake. I’m tired of these mornings. 3 a.m. is depressing when your eyes itch and yell out to the wall you stare at. They say how tired they are. How you need to let them relax and to try and forget how wonderful yesterday was. But no matter how long I stay awake, no matter how strong my will is to remember—I am forgotten and so therefore I forget. I am not capable to be this way. I am no human but rather a walking machine. I wander to where I am supposed to wander deemed necessary by society. I learn what they say I should learn. I work and do what they say I should do. But I am tired of being like this. Very soon, I will go far away from here. And there I will imagine how hard it will be, as I am forgotten by something that isn’t meant for me. Love truly is short. And with each painful night, the forgetting seems to become longer and longer. But today is today and yesterday has changed into today. And I am no longer who I was then. Better or worse I cannot say, but the mountains and sea Neruda
describes, are there—at least they are waiting for me.